Day 70 - Bad Karma

July 13^th

            “Not this again,” is what goes through my mind as the fish laden net rolls into the back of the boat. Before I can justify to myself what I’m about to do I grab hold of the fish tangled in the net closest to me and shake it violently in a shower of blood and scales, attempting to break it free. But the fish doesn’t budge. What now? I have to get all these fish out of the net, that’s my job. With brutally physical force I grab the fish by the back of the head and dig my fingers under its gill plate searching for a way to loosen the nets strangle hold.

            Time stops as I notice the fish scanning his new surroundings. It looks at the net, it looks down at the fish already on the deck, and then it looks up at me. My heart freezes as I see the fear in its eyes – “Where am I? What are you going to do to me?” I feel like an alien who’s plucked my next victim from its home – SNAP! THUD! The fish falls to the deck with a crunch that sends a chill down my spine and lays there gasping with what’s left of its head – I still have its gill plate in my hand as I reach for the next fish, my captain screaming over my shoulder to pick faster – SNAP! THUD!

            I pity every fish I pluck out of the ocean. Every time I make eye contact with that scared soul I want to apologize – “Fish, you survived four years out in the treacherous ocean to be snatched on the last and most important leg of your journey and life. You set off to fulfill your most important purpose – carrying on the species, and I came along and ripped half your head off. The saddest part is that I’m not even the one who’s going to eat you, in fact – I’m not even hungry.